Recently, I had a conversation with a young woman who asked me some interesting questions about people I'm close to. If they had been questions that actually came from her observations, I would not have minded. However, they came second hand from what she'd heard and/or been told.
"Are you pretty close to _____? So...is she 'green'?"
In my head, "What?!"
Out loud, "Green? I know she eats well for good health."
"Oh, so she's not liberal?"
In my head, "What?!"
Out loud, "Umm...noooooooo."
When I started to clarify and answer the question, it hit home how gossip is really, really bad. This is something I knew, but also something that I engaged in sometimes. Seeing it done by someone else about people I cared about shone a bright light on the ugliness of gossip.
"_______ told me that ________ is really into attachment parenting."
In my head, "What?!"
Out loud, "Not unusually so."
It was the pejorative tone that got to me, like there was something wrong and weird about how this person raises her kids. Maybe I recognized it in her because I have said things like that before to people.
Unfortunately, I didn't question the woman asking me how she got these ideas. Instead, I tried to get out of the conversation by nervously talking rapidly about whatever. I guess I didn't want her to be uncomfortable that I was uncomfortable. However, that may have been the best thing I could have done for her in the moment. Whenever someone has called me out on bad behavior, it is embarrassing and hard to take. But--I do learn not to do those things again.
For me, this conversation was another lesson that if we say we're Catholic, let's be kind and not tear each other down. This is how rumors start and characters are defamed. It's very ugly, ladies. :)
2 comments:
Nice reflections Jenny. I have to admit, I have difficulty keeping my mouth shut at times.
Women love to talk. This can be a positive thing when we share ideas, give advice, and comfort one another. It can also be a negative thing when we choose to talk about other people behind their back in an uncharitable way.
I like the prayer Fr. Lappe says when we are at a church social event. "Lord bless our conversation..." I try to remember to say it before we visit with others.
Thanks, Joanna. I am an offender, and I have a talent for putting my foot in my mouth more times than I care to remember. So, hearing things from someone else in this situation was a good lesson for me.
Fr. Lappe's prayer is great--I'll try to remember that the next time I'm tempted. :)
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