I Do, February 10, 2001: A Decade Later

Ten years married today.  10 years. Married. Today.  How in the world did John C. ever convince himself to marry Jenny M?? I sometimes still marvel at that. Most days I marvel at that.

We became friends in one of the the most romantic cities in the world-Rome during our semester abroad.  A year later in February 1997, we started dating.  A couple of break ups, a vocation search, a move to DC and the best proposal at the Lincoln Memorial later, and here we are: in WA state, a career change, some infertility, a foster parent license, and a set of twins later, in our own piece of heaven on earth.

Thank you, my dearest friend and husband, for gently nudging me towards striving to be my best, for your patience, for your humor, for your being just you who I met in a state called Texas and fell head over heels in love with 14 years ago in a country called Italy.

You are the best thing that has happened to this Florissant girl, to Little Man, Cherub and Thumbelina and Jill.  Please, don't ever change.

To paraphrase a line from "Sense and Sensibility" (John and I do not share a love of Jane Austen :) ): May I endeavor to deserve you.

Happy 10th, dearest John.

Still Crazy After All These Years

Today marks 10 years since John asked me to marry him. A decade! That warm DC summer night is one of my favorite memories, and as the years go by, it becomes better and more cherished.  We have no photos of that afternoon and evening.  At first, I was a little sad that we didn't have any  Now, though, I don't mind since we talk about it, and the night will stay in our memories along with the scents, the dinner, the words, the Yes, the love, until our time here on earth fades.

This is the dinner that John made for me that night.  I had no idea of what was to come later in the evening at the back of the Lincoln Memorial.

Ten years later, we're a little (ok, a lot) older, a little wiser and very much in love with each other and our lives together.

The Creative "No"

During one of my Literary Traditions classes (or Lit Trad as it was commonly known) at UD with Fr. Robert Maguire, we read Madame Bovary. To those who have not read this book, I highly recommend it. It tells the sad tale of a woman who is so out of touch with the blessings that she has in her life that she sacrifices her marriage, baby girl, and life for romantic dreams and affairs that lead to her demise. As a young college student, this book deeply touched me, especially because Fr. Maguire gave a great lecture on women, especially mothers, and the creative “No.”

Many times, women will take on too much, thinking that they have to get everything done, be involved in so many activities with their children, and/or answer yes to every request that comes to them. Father said that by saying yes to everything, women can end up being so drained that they further feel like they’re not doing any one thing well. By saying “No” to some things, this frees her to focus on and concentrate on what takes priority in her life—marriage and her family. Because I do not have children, I have not had to say no to much except when we had things planned or when it interfered with my job which for our family takes priority right now.

Now that we have a little boy living with us and forms part of our family, albeit it temporary, I have had the chance to back out of things that normally I would say yes to in a minute. The twice weekly trips to Tacoma from Poulsbo for the little one take up a lot of time and energy for both him and me. Trying to keep the house clean, get dinner on the table, keep myself organized at work and at home has kept me on my toes. Most of my friends and sisters have been doing this for years. I’m just new to the game, so it has been a challenge.

My point is, though, that the Creative ‘No’ is necessary in every woman’s life. If we try to take on everything without replenishing ourselves with rest, prayer, spending time with children and especially our spouses, then we are running on empty and doing much less than a stellar job.

I think I’ll try to find those class notes from Fr. Maguire’s lecture. Maybe I’ll read Madame Bovary again, too. Life, in its seemingly mundane routine, is quite beautiful. Madame Bovary would have been a happy woman had she realized this.

L-O-V-E

Yesterday we celebrated 9 years of marriage. Can it have been that long since we stood in front of the altar of my childhood parish in front of 200+ people to vow to love and honor each other till death do us part?

Fr. Lehrberger who celebrated the wedding Mass talked about L-O-V-E vs. L-U-V. LOVE is a self-sacrificing action which extends out to society. LUV is the world's concept of romance in which the couple, as Father said, lives in a cottage by the sea, wrapped up in each other without living their vocation in the world which needs their love in action. These words have stayed with me over the years and reminded me that marriage creates a family, a little domestic church, which can't thrive and grow if it does not go out of itself into the community.

Thinking about that day reminds me again that a wedding isn't about just those two people. Our families were instrumental in not only the wedding preparations, but our preparation as future husband and wife. Two different families were united and our little family started. My mom, dad and sisters took care of so much for me in Florissant, since I was living in Virginia, and they were in town from Australia. My brother traveled from Colorado where he was living at the time to be in the wedding. John's mom made Miriam's flower girl dress (it was beautiful) and his dad wrote an awesome story for the paper (where he's an editor) about our engagement and wedding. His brothers and sisters were in the wedding as well as our nephew, Andrew, who at 3 years old was a very entertaining ring bearer. Christina got him prepared and made a beautiful ring pillow for him to hold. Christina also organized a long distance Pampered Chef catalog bridal shower.

The more I thought about this day and the many people who were involved and did so much work, and the many friends who got on planes to get to a cold St. Louis where we were nervous about the weather holding out, the more I realized how blessed we are, how much love in action there was, how much grace showered us. So, for us as a newlywed couple to 'live in a cottage by the sea' would be a rejection of the love shown us by so many.

These 9 years of married life have been beautiful, difficult at times, a chance to grow in virtue and love someone as we have never loved before. John is the kind of husband I want my future daughters (God willing) and nieces to meet and marry. I love you, John. God bless you always.