I never thought I'd be writing a post about defending daycare. That was before I was dealing with the reality that I cannot be a stay at home for another couple of years. Before, I was very judgmental about putting children in daycare for any reason. Too much listening to Dr. Laura, perhaps. But that naivete has passed.
While I still think that two parents working to maintain a certain lifestyle and putting their kids in daycare is not good, I see that child care is necessary for some parents, John and I being some of them.
John is in school full time for the next two years (He is nearing the end of his first year). That means someone has to earn a living to pay the mortgage, bills, etc. That's me.
However, we did not want to put off being foster parents for another three years. Kids need homes now. The children who are currently in our home attend day care full time very near my office. For many kids in foster care, the structure and social time with teachers and other children is necessary and a very important aspect in their development. That is the case with the kids with us.
The ladies at the daycare are godsends, because they care deeply for these children and have been instrumental in their healing and growth and development. Because of what they do, it allows me to do what I do and need to do: be a foster mom and work full time to take care of our family.
Not everyone can stay home with their kids. I will when we are able to, but in the mean time, the children we foster are in a safe, happy and stable world--something they didn't have before.
There are no perfect families, no matter how perfect some seem on the outside. We're striving for perfection.
9 comments:
I got to you off of Sew's blog. I grew up in a family where daycare was considered evil. The one or two women in our extended family who worked were looked down upon. Currently my son attends daycare 2 to 2.5 days per week. I had him with a nanny just prior to this because it "sounded" better. A few months ago, I realized that my son would enjoy daycare better and now that we've switched, he is so happy! It gives him great structure. He's an only child and it gives him children to interact with (his cousins are not close by). Anyway, I too feel like I have to defend daycare. Thanks for pointing out some of its great attributes!
Hey, Doctor Gianna! Thanks for your comment. I found your site a few months ago through Sew as well. :)
Thanks for doing the good work that you do. Your intentions are in my prayers.
The kids' teachers have really helped me get a better of how the they are doing developmentally, and I can then relay that to their social workers. Yes, I'd see it if I were home with them, but since I can't, they have been great eyes and ears for me.
Hi Jenny - when I volunteered at the CPC, our eldest son went to day care at the church that sponsored the CPC for a couple of hours a week and he loved it. He was an only child at the time.
Our two younger boys played well with one another and did not seem to have the same need to be with other children, so I did not put them in day care (I also did not work outside the home).
I have seen children thrive in day care as well as have trouble in day care - it's life!
One of the things that you need to be aware of is that sometimes some day care providers take "ownership" of your child and tell you what you should and should not be doing...I say - follow your gut!
That they can give you an assessment on how the children are doing in comparison to others in the same age group are great, but I have had some providers decide that they knew what was best for our son - when they did not.
And, yes, he was still a foster child when he went. ( - : He is now a thriving 22 year old Marine proudly serving our country!
Thanks for the advice, Lee Anne! Much appreciated.
We had a mom that stayed at home with us, so I wasn't raised with daycare. I did work in one for two years around my senior year of high school. I.LOVED.IT!
If they love your babies the way I loved mine...they are being well taken care of. I call the daycare babies "my babies" because for 8-12 hours a day they were. I still see some of my babies (who are now 13) to this day!
Thanks for your post. Bottom line....sometimes you need help to live your life. When I decided to hire a mother's helper after Nick (our 7th) was born, I struggled a lot with that decision thinking I'd be criticized for not doing things myself. Thankfully, we found and hired, Lejla, a licensed daycare worker. She worked for us during the mornings 5 days a week. Then she would go to the daycare at 2pm for her shift. She loves our children, and that proves to me the kids at the daycare are getting someone caring for them that truly loves them, too. What a gift for those children and the daycare system to find people who genuinely care.
I think children know when we have established the best possible network of support around them and they in this, they truly flourish.
I was raised by some of my best friends Moms as well as my own Mom. Their love and different ways of doing things really helped me become an independent and confident person. Daycare can be just what the doctor ordered for some kids. They love the social aspect of it and getting out of the house and with other kiddos. SO, no judgement here whatsoever.
I work fulltime but I have managed not to send my child to daycare because I am fortunate to be able to make my own hours. However, I see that sometimes my daughter seems a tad bit bored at home. When she goes out in public and sees other kids she gets so excited!
Ladies, thank you very much for your input! Grace--I agree with you. If one needs help, it's better to ask for it. "More," I enjoy reading your blog! I, too, had a stay at home mother and did not go to daycare. When I was in college, I worked at a daycare in Dallas. The parents tended to be wealthier, and it was there that I got a bad taste for both parents working to maintain an extravagant lifestyle. It saddened me that they drove these huge nice cars and were dressed to the nines, when their child(ren) were in daycare all day. That being said, there are many situations, like mine, where daycare is needed and the teachers are great! Little JoAnn, thank you for your feedback. I appreciate everyone's ideas!
I'm glad you posted this. I've been looking at daycare places recently, as we may need to use one if we get picked for adoption in the next year. I'd prefer to stay home full-time, but health insurance and housing are necessities. :) Particularly with a spouse in grad school, too. So I'm grateful that the option exists, and it's been very reassuring to hear about your positive experiences. Thanks!
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